I kind of feel like that if I died tomorrow there would be nothing to show for it. I certainly have not witnessed to people (not that I know of). What would Jesus have to say about my 23 years on earth? This should motivate me to change, right? How do you become a bold witness for Jesus? How can you just go up to a stranger and say, "I want you to go to Heaven." I am sure that more than half of my class are not Christians(of course I cannot say for sure, that matter is entirely between them and God). This past year, I haven't been a friendly, outgoing person. I have kind of stayed to myself and been mostly a recluse.
I think I have made myself not like Kingsville as much because it is not Weatherford. I know that I was put here for a reason. This is my exile that I am to pray for, just as Jeremiah was sent to exile in Babylon's captivity.(I think--correct me if I am wrong, anyone!) I only have to endure a couple of more years. I can make it. It has helped that I am writing this, even if only one person reads it. I need to journal more, just to get my feelings out. I am so reserved that I never really tell people what I am feeling deep down, it is just hard for me to open up and let people in.
Anyway, that is enough for now. I am going to read the Bible, and then study some more. I have to get up early tomorrow. Saturday cannot come soon enough!
1 comment:
Hey girl
I am strumming on Brittni's violin as I write. However, it sounds more like a cat getting his tail stepped on than violins, it is the effort that counts right?
Anyway, I am sorry you are having a hard time. I would say that everything that you are feeling is normal. I think that wonderful Hurricane Ike is the beggining of your problems. I know you wanted to go "home" during that time and it didn't turn out that way, so naturally you are homesick. Having this young man die in Iraq did not help any. I think when stuff like that happens we are saddened for exactly the reasons you mentioned. He was young, not much older than you, and you knew someone he knew. You are relating to how you would feel if it were someone in your family. I get that.
Here is what I don't get. What would God think about your life? Well let me tell you, He is amazed! Things may have started out slow in Kingsville, but you are making the best of a situation that wasn't what you wanted. That is a natural feeling. Do you remember not long ago the BCM guy wanting you to be on some committee, he saw the you that God sees.
You made a great impact here in Weatherford. Look at my kids. They love and adore you, as do their parents. We saw you live your faith with the BCM, your activites at the church and even choosing to be a part of the host family program. Many girls in that GA program will remember you for something you did or said that changed how their day was going!
Now, grab your boot straps and pull them on. You can't do all that stuff in Kingsville. Why? It is called your education! Right now, your focus is school. How can you witness at school? Start with the easy stuff. Smile, say hello, offer to pray for someone if you know they are having a tough time. You don't need to grab your Bible and beat them over the head. They just need to see you have something different.
Is that to say you will never get disappointed, never be sad, never get angry? No! But for the most part they will see you have something they want. It can be that simple. When your life settles down and your are through with school you can find a place to settle, and get involved. For now, you are doing what God has planned. Just be patient and let this part of your life play out. The next part is coming and who knows what he has planned for you!!!
I love you girl and look forward to your entries!
Praying in Weatherford for my girl,
Cindi
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